Series Of 3 and I swore I never would!
What to do when your Dad is out fishing?

Get into trouble with your hubby.

Susan lived next door to my mom & Dad for a year or two with her son Nick. He was a tiny guy. About three  years old at the time. He and I would play in his room, throw stuffed animals around and usually end up in a arguement. I was 3 1/2 years older than he was. What does one expect? We were being kids.
Anyway, off we went into his living room .. THREW ALL the toys into that very nice ,VERY VERY CLEAN LIVINGROOM.. and there they were. A room full of stuffed animals.

Susan had  husband # 3.. A pervert from HELL! Always on the internet visiting sex dating.
Jim Hoffman. He had 3 kids from another marriage. They would show up and play every now and than with Nick. I did not know these kids too well.
Anyway, Jim Hoffman said "pick up the toys, NOW!"
I said in my 6 year old self " No, don't have to!"
He got really pissed " I said pick the GODDAMN TOYS UP NOW!"

I said "NO! "
And I proceeded to RUN OUT THAT DAMN door .

Jim caught me in the driveway though. He took me by one arm and threw me onto the pavement. He bashed me really hard into that driveway, and proceeded to hit me with a closed fist. My head hit the driveway, his fist hit my arms, back , chest.
Susan came out of the house and yelled " let go of her you *Son OF A BITCH!* "
Susan was holding a gun. He went in side to beat on her. She was next. I heard the gun go off.
Mom and Claudia dragged me into the house.

Susan was in her house. She did in fact shoot that gun, straight at Jim. MISSING NICKS HEAD by a quarter of an inch! Missing Jim too by just a smidgen.
The police took him away.

Mom and Claudia told me NOT to tell Papa Gil. It would make him really angry at Auntie Susan. I do not want him angry at Auntie. He would hurt her husband. I do not want him to hurt her husband nor Auntie.
I did not tell Dad until many years later.
He told me he knew that Mom was always keeping shit from him. That was what made him angry at her.
Most of all , that was something he should of known about. They were right about one thing. He would of killed Jim Hoffman.

For many years after that I was in Counseling at school with Mrs Largent , from grade 3rd through 6th. I would re-enact it . I would pretend to kill him , over and over again. Him and Don Lyday.
Mom was always afraid of what I was going to say in that counseling session.
Afraid?
I was having nightly nightmares. I was afraid to be in my room at night. I was hearing things all the time.
Yet, she was afraid that someone might find out?
If Dad ever really would of listened, he would of helped me.. this I know. I know.

I was crying often. Often I was going into the hospital with reasons not identifiable. I was sick. Things were not good. Not good at all.
My life at home was sad, mostly my cat and dolls made me smile. I smiled on the outside. I smiled. I was a brat to many. I was?
I was a human.

Ali Mc Beal
         To write on love and the relations in love is a difficult exercise. Especially when one does not have in love in its life. It appears that to have a relation, it should be wanted very extremely really.

         This evening, the only thing that I wanted was me to find only with Ally. Nothing is able to touch me as much as these characters of tele series which doubt to find heart Sœur in existence. Of the heroes who are not afraid to affirm that they will perhaps never find the great love. Ally McBeal is me.

         But why is it so hard to fall in love ? I am posed and rests the question without managing to find answer. That points out L to me’announces to a guy that read a few days ago. I do not know already any more if were in free or on an Internet site. It had written : " would like to find a relation stable, to live with quelthat one of calms. But I believe in it more in this world of tared and bad colds the cock, this world homosexual which became for me a curse ". I think that this guy there does not have twists and that it knew to translate into spaces of two sentences the truth of the world in which we live today. And you will never guess his first name : Ali.

My article of the day will be very long today and due nothing does not go any more, I am completely depressed...

The life, per moment does not make us a gift, it is necessary to face the bad passages with dignity and courage, but there I cannot about it any more, I lived a divorce which even if I went back from there will not undoubtedly erase never, I had not badly problem family side and on this side also I had a reason even if I would never cure really, money worries also to a époque(dû with my divorce), that on the other hand it is regulated even if one cannot say that I am rolling in money, one rowed much to have a pretty house that it was finally found certainly but nothing is done for a little that it is said to me that construction is delayed that that would not astonish me, one rows, one rows, one takes blows in the mug and I pass to you from there, I does not say all here to you, it is always necessary to be raised and advance...

But there, it is the water drop... we learned with darling this morning that our desire of child cannot be exhaucer, it is that we have each one on our side a concern  and that both joined together that all the more reduces our chances to have a baby naturally, it remains however still quelquechose to make in a way médicalement assisted but  even if if fortunately, medicine progressed and that it can enable us to have some, nothing is ensured, and that done too much evil of knowing that he will not come in a natural way, like everyone what...

... Also, I am feeling gloomy today and envies to cry, that bursts me the heart of always having to fight, always have to fight this bad luck or this "black", I do not know how to still name it, always to fight still and and why that does not come like everyone, why...

...Then yes, I am in life, yes I am in good health, yes I have a good job, yes I yes have a darling who likes me , I do not live in the street, but there is too the things are clear, this baby so much desired will not come all alone and the life is sometimes cruel, I have a ball in the throat and a node with the stomach, and that does not go I want to howl and of chialer but what good is it, that will not solve our problem...

... Alors yes we will do all that there is to do so that this little baby points one day the end of his nose, but while waiting for the pain is immense and incurable, but while waiting for the pain is well there and she devours me more and more, nothing do not make there, I have badly with deepest of my flesh and nothing relieves me, to take enough blows in the mug in this whore of life, this time I am not able to be raised, enough of all these tests, enough of always having to be strong...

...Only one thing in my head : we will not naturally have the chance to have a baby and I burst some...

Afflicted, if, a long time I left,

Forgiveness, but I do not want any more,

I wanted to believe in this heart and to give him my confidence,

But all was only one great disappointment and Its ignorance,

I am wounded with deepest,

And the scars, never will not be closed again,

Afflicted, if, a long time I left

Forgiveness but the desire east flees

I wanted to believe that this Angel fallen from the sky,

Would fill this lack and this vacuum with its wings,

Forgiveness friends, if I left a long time,

That was not my goal obviously,

Afflicted, but my life flees me,

Excuse me, but my life flees,

The telephone sounded and the message was posted...

Loosely, the Angel left me fallen.

Then forgiveness still, if I left,

But My Life and the Desire is flee,

Never again I would make confidence,

But I would redouble mistrust rather,

Towards the Angels fallen from the sky,

Who give up me in a rustle of wings.

Then yes, forgiveness still if I left,

But the Life and My Desires flee...